Vermillion Fixation
by Vespertine Noir
Summary: Chaos and conflict pour into the seemingly bland life of a borderline jaded Nursing Assistant. She has her life finely tuned up until a comatose assassin winds up in her rounds. A chain of events would soon ensue, slowly devastating her façade.
1. The Temporary Flesh and Bone

A/N: This is a great attempt for me (way out of comfort zone) but I really appreciated the story. So I saw that at the moment there were only a few Smokin' Aces fanfics so I was like cheyeah let me find out... I do hope that I do some sort of justice. So please reviews & suggestions are more than welcome.

Also, I have a music playlist link for this fanfic up on my author's page.

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**Chapter 1**

**"The Temporary Flesh and Bone"**

My life was how I liked it, I felt as though I had rightfully become content with what I had made for myself. Somehow, today it was relatively (more or less) different; I could feel it creep through my bones and unsettle me, this more than anything managed to unnerve me. The only thing nowadays that I could find some confidence in was the steadfast familiarity in keeping my cool. Nevertheless, I continued to make my daily rounds. I do in fact love my job, not to be misunderstood, I enjoy that I could fall into a role where I could be needed. Although, adversely there was the likely chance that I would take my job home with me, figuratively speaking. There were plenty of nights where I took home my share of heartache and seclusion and sipped at it nicely. Those who were able to sleep lightly when they crossed their doorframe were the privileged few.

Today… it was just one of those days where I was fed up. I was weary, sick, and jaded by my fill of shit, vomit, and body hair. Many of my coworkers overcome by "intellectual" musings expressed that I was too young to be jaded. But, I was entitled to this disgruntled state, it was a fact of life and I claimed that resignation, mine simply just decided to come along early.

The tingling sensation didn't leave my muscles at all and they expressed fatigue all too vocally for my taste. Quite inconspicuously I stretched my arms as the 5-year-old who sat before me looked on at the television obliviously. Spongebob.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" I murmured, as one tends to do when speaking to a child only capable of innocence.

She skittishly licked at her small dried lips as hunger shone in her green eyes. So she nods and made the bravest face as she leaned forward.

"Okay," I quietly whispered. It was quite commendable that even so young she possessed a strength and tenacity that I found myself wanting. She was entirely terrified to eat anything, has been since they had taken her off ventilation resulting from a case of hypoxemia almost a week ago. With that I watched as her mouth audibly chomped on the plastic spoon and the Mott's apple sauce retreated as her teeth scraped the smooth surface.

"Good girl." I rubbed her hair almost too motherly and I felt the deepest sensation of distress. A gap within me needed so badly to be filled and I saw the all too familiar look of longing reflect in this little girl. It tore at my heart so badly that this was all I was capable of doing to soothe her what with the overwhelming sensation of painkillers pumping through her sought to do. Her tiny fingers rubbed at her sore throat as she fought to respond in her quick short bursts.

"I heard it was your birthday today, Lily Ann." A radiant smile raced across her face. She had been in an almost fatal car collision a little over a week ago. She was lucky and the ironic thing was I don't think she could fathom the weight of that. Her hand in its cast flew to conceal her grinning lips, of which I was the first to sign the growing bedazzlement.

Lily began to giggle uncontrollably. "Yes," her little feet excitedly jigged beneath the blanket. "Hmm, I'm gonna be," she fell to counting brightly on her small fingers, "six!" She nodded profusely, all the while beaming up at me brilliantly.

"Well, it seems that you're a big girl now then, eh. I was going to give you a little something but now I don't know…" I chimed sing songy. It was as if a small fire had lit and sent my spirit flying.

"Nooo," she fumbled a bit before rushing to her knees to clasp her arms about my neck. "I won't tell, okay." Her warm, sweet breath rushed against my skin. She whispered hoarsely and her head bobbed freely.

I pretended to ponder the thought for a minute then lowered my voice to her conspiratorial note. "I guess you can't tell then. Our little promise, ok?" We pinky swore on that and I flipped back the far end of her blanket to withdraw a cloth doll. "I hope you like it. Plus good news, we take the stitches out today," I wiggled my eyebrows and showered her face with hugs and kisses and ran my fingers across the dry, stitched skin on the back of her hand.

Immediately as she could be free from my hold, she snatched the doll from my fingertips and drew it into herself. A lump caught in my throat instantly and I looked at her for quite some time. Gently her hands stroked the brightly colored fabric. She whispered lovingly and continued on crooning quietly.

"She's going to be here, okay?" She looked up at me and all I saw was emptiness. I smoothed her light blond hair behind her ears and kissed her forehead. "Your mom's going to be here, I promise you this. Hey," I propped her chin up, "look at me. It's okay to miss her. But don't cry anymore, okay?" I hugged her tightly to my chest and we both curled up on her hospital bed. Our coloring contrasted the other nicely, hers a creamy pale and mine a deep, even toffee. I wrapped her little fingers in mine and offered as much comfort as I could through our enlaced fingers. We both were so broken, two pieces in this ambiguous world and I only prayed she would suffer in this world far less than I had; as I still continued to do up until this very day. She held within her such a kind of purity that I wanted to desperately protect. She had in her an integrity that I wanted so badly to preserve. I saw so much that I had sacrificed. In her I saw myself.

Subtle sobs wracked her body and I held her even closer. I felt wretched to have promised something I didn't even know how to keep.

It took so much from me to give the seemingly effortless kindness, warmth that she needed so much. I had spent far too long severing my emotions that it ultimately left me all too vulnerable, regardless. I felt I wasn't capable of truly disregarding my inhibitions but I tried for her sake. My small sacrifices paled in worth in comparison to what she was.

She had barely escaped her death. Her mother was far luckier to have escaped without as much as a mark on her body. If it were up to me, her place would have promptly been traded. I placed a kiss on her forehead and watched her fall into sleep.

*

I exited the room, thankfully without any kind of protest from her sleeping frame. At a loss, I wiped at welling tears. Her mother stood nearby looking just as displaced as I was feeling. She had an arm draped across her already swelling womb, absentmindedly nibbling at her fingertips. "It's my fault," she gasped brokenly. "I should be in there right now, not my baby. You know I told her I didn't love her that day…" Her fingers came to a still over her lips. "She hates me."

Slowly I rubbed my damp fingers across my scrubs. "Kathryn – ah Ms. Delgato it might not be my place to say this to you but right now she needs her mother. Right now, regardless of any kind of reticence she needs you," in that moment I felt myself begin to unravel and I couldn't control the overwhelming emotions that seeped into my voice, "for you to comfort her to reassure her that you love her… and that everything's going to be okay."

She stared at me blankly for a moment. "Thank you," she squeezed her eyes shut and a few drops leaked down her face. She looked through the door's windows then back at me. "I saw you with her earlier" her tone was thickened by phlegm, "you two looked so natural, so good. Oh God… I couldn't go in because when and if I do then it's all gonna hit me." Kathryn shook her head furiously, "I almost lost her. I don't deserve her." _You don't deserve to _be_ a mother_. I wanted to scream that to her twisted face. But as with life, sometimes you didn't get to choose who got what.

I simply said, "Well, that doesn't matter now." I shuffled pass her to open the door to Lily Ann's room. _Go_, I mouthed. With nothing further to say she made her way into the room, peeled off her jacket, then leaned to kiss her daughter awake. I took great solace in these stolen moments. They came too few and infrequent in my life. Envy and happiness rung in my heart and I felt that I was grateful for this day.

Slowly, I walked away with my hands clasped behind my back. Sometimes I felt as though I didn't know what to think. At times I was so tightly coiled and constrained I could barely function. Listlessly I looked on at the unfolding hallway, swiping my badge across the sensor and took the stairs two at a time.

*

Begrudgingly, I always slated this particular stop for the last of my rounds. To me it always seemed as if all the other NA's seemed to pass the undesirables off unto me due to my lack of seniority or more decidedly due to a complete conspiracy of favoritism. So surreptitiously his bed was rejected by a majority of the staffed to settle on my shoulders. Anyway, I bit my gall and ensued on the current course.

By the time I got to my destination I was taxed and looking forward to the end of the day. Well, this was in a way a kind of assessment for me, a sort of reflection of sorts. JOHN DOE, I thumbed through his charts. They and taken him off ventilation this morning.

"Hey John," I looked at his still frame nonchalantly figuring how to go about my duties. "Long time no see." I secured a stray lock behind my ear, peering into his square face.

Everyone knew quite well who this man was, it was purely for the sake of security issues that his identity was kept mum, thinly veiled at that.

I brushed the hair away from his forehead and for a minute I let myself be drawn in by his subdued features. My fingers trailed lightly across the beard that dusted his face lightly. His crude Mohawk was growing out in patches. He was so still, lifeless. Anyone would be terrified of death after seeing this. No one deserved this. That was even a far bound for me because at the moment a few faces flitted before me.

I took to him in a way which frightened me. I cleaned his body, I tended his bedsores, and I promised myself that he was the moral corruption and defilement of all sanctity. But those thoughts were only futile; I would always be drawn in by his kind. I watched him die then make his way back to life as he fought off a secondary infection. He still had plenty of fight left in him. "You're not so bad are you?"

"It won't be smooth sailing until a while John. Yeah, ditto." A smile deepened and eased the nerves in my face. I fell into a rhythm and began to undress him and continued our little one-sided banter, "Yeah I don't think I'd imagine this for myself either but the bedsores aren't that bad. Just kidding, you don't have any, well if it weren't for me now… It'll take more than terrible humor to kill you, won't it?" I ran the cool sponge over his bared skin. A flush heated my skin as I tried to be as professional as I could muster up for some sort of decency. He was quite handsome now that I considered it. Quite so, with hooded brow shading a concealed cool color, high cheekbones, and full lips. Uneasily I shoved that thought from my mind.

"It's odd but sometimes I really feel that you're the only friend I have in this world…" I was a bit taken aback by my own admission but no one was here to tell my secrets. I was scared and I felt that more than anything. Anyone with a heavy past or present, for them this was a constant weight and shame. Quickly I wiped at a tear with the back of my hand. "Sorry for leaking all over you, DT."

Hastily I finished up with only a nurse interrupted momentarily to check is vitals and made her log. We exchanged a tepid acknowledgement before she left. I made a mental check list to stop by the grocery store and cleaners on my way home. Time always moved as quickly as you needed it to when not contemplating time. "I'll have to give you a shave next time," I chimed while patting his shoulder. With a lingering stare over my shoulder I left the room. The guard on duty apparently was already on break.

At this point and time I would've done anything for a warm shower to weed out the kinks. Maybe it was the fact that I had an incredible innate sense of intuition but I could feel my nerve endings stand on end whenever Michael approached. A fellow Nursing Assistant, unfortunately he wasn't the kind you wanted to be around. He was lookable (yes on my scale of tolerableness) but you wanted to steer clear of his hands if you get what I mean.

"Not today, Michael. I'm not in the mood; yes I'm on my period with severe period cramps." I said the first male deterrent that seemed feasible in his ever working mind.

"Don't they have shit for that?" He scratched at his head lamely and continued to follow me into the locker area. He did posses a kind of decency for he waited outside half-shouting our unfinished conversation through the door. "So what are you doing tonight?"

"Well, nothing Mike. I'm just a little exhausted. Bekka's a bitch and wants to make my life a little more complicated by fucking overbooking me," I yelled back at him. I didn't waste any time in shrugging on a sweat shirt and grabbing my keys.

"She just likes you, is all."

"Really? Well, I surely would prefer not to have any of her loving at all then." He followed me back out into the hallway. "But yeah, just give me a rain check for," I thought for a second, "this weekend maybe?"

"'K babe. Santi you better not forget, I'm holding you to this one." He gave me a sheepish grin before heading off in the opposite direction.

The sky unfolded in a tumultuous grey as I weaved through the parking lot to make my way to my car. The day would soon be over and all the worries that were in me I relinquished and let it slide from my weary body.


	2. Unknown Distance to the Great Beyond

**Chapter 2**

**"Unknown Distance to the Great Beyond"**

Today would be far longer than the previous day; there was a telling in my bones. Yesterday rolled off into a hazy distance as I replayed it through my mind. My usual schedule was exactly what it was, extremely tight and calculated with little room for variation. It was best this way, easier for me to monitor the slightest of glitches that could alter the peace I had made for myself. The drive home had been easy, surprisingly so seeing that the streets were ever congested. I made a quick stop at the cleaners to pick up a dress I barely exercised. It was the most expensive piece in my wardrobe and deservingly I had bought it when it had gone on sale. What can I say, black suited me well. The one occasion I decided to don it spitefully rewarded me with a nice stain.

Afterwards, I ventured on to the grocery store. I walked in, sweeping my lengthy coarse hair into a neat ponytail; I would have to get a trim soon. Bread, nuts, lettuce, cold cuts, and a few frozen dinners, mentally I flipped through my checklist. Yogurt, fruit, taco meat, milk. Personally, I preferred to have diversity when it came to my food and also to appease my weekly binges. A child hanging unto a shopping cart peered up at me with moon eyes. I smiled brightly back, saying _Hi_. She reminded me vaguely of Lily Ann which in turn brought a sharp stitch to my heart. I checked out then went outside.

Home smelt just as impersonal as a hospital and although it wasn't much it was mine. I kept it neat and as bare as possible, nothing much of me in it. I preferred dark furniture (precisely dark mahogany) and the modern form; it was pleasing to the eye. Quietly I stepped out of my white loafers, leaving them by the door. I promptly popped a Stouffer's Lasagna into the oven and shrugged out of my clothes to take a quick shower. Within ten minutes I was curled up on the sofa and flipped on the television. CNN, Spongebob, I Love the '80s (didn't catch what year), Lifetime. Food Network was good, so I let it rest on that.

I ate a hot chunk of lasagna, reminding myself to take some down the hall to Keith at a later time. We were dinner buddies although we both had fallen off the wagon for the past couple of weeks, due to mutually clashing obligations. I checked my cell phone for messages receiving nothing apart from a few silly disgruntled texts from Mike. Then I went on to sift through my answering machine, I already knew the outcome for that.

*

I couldn't waste another moment of lounging in bed. I got up softly padding about in the staple of t-shirt and undies. On schedule, I showered then grabbed a Toaster Strudel coupled with a glass of cold milk. Green and pink scrubs, my favorite. Soon I moved on to straighten up a bit feeling as though I should actually _let_ my apartment get dirty for once. I had a few hours until work so I could get a few errands out of the way.

On the drive to the hospital I pondered what I would have for dinner later on tonight. Maybe I would try something new, shrimp scaloppini possibly? I had the taste for something Italian. Without lingering too much with a few passersby, I checked in and begun my set of rounds. Today in particular my shift was moved down late and cut a few hours short. I relished that simply for the fact that it was a Friday and maybe a few drinks were in my horizon with a couple of buddies I had been neglecting of late. It had been a while since I had fun. I scarcely was familiar with the word; I avoided it like the plague.

There would be three beds until I got to see Lily. Ritchie was surprising placated by the time I saw him today. He was in his mid-thirties and could pass for being good-looking if he ever shaved his beard. He liked me, I could tell because he enjoyed my ministrations a little bit too much. "Veta Santi, I'd love to take you home to my mom," he gibed playfully. I rolled my eyes when not in his eyeshot.

At present he was recovering from surgery, heroically donating a piece of liver to someone he barely knew, well a distant cousin was distant enough. "Well I don't know about that one, love. I'm a shrew 95% of the time."

"Lucky for you I like shrews. They're kinda cute. Certified Nursing Assistant," he thumbed by name tag listlessly.

He was impossible _and_ persistent. I looked at the thick coat of dark beard which shaded his lower jaw. "Is this for the beard festival? How's the whole rugged thing working out for ya?"

Ritchie played with the tip of his beard then reached for my hand, completely ignoring my teasing. "So how 'bout it then? You, me; meeting up after I ditch this joint."

"I don't think that'll be quite ethical and I am a woman of standards," I gave a light shrug. "Plus you certainly won't be 'ditching this joint' any time soon and you'd have to be like _up there_ on the 'tolerableness scale.'"

"I pegged you for a woman that didn't need or see any kind of boundaries. So, where exactly am I on this scale? Of course I would have to be at a quite sufficient number in order for you to be so obviously flirting with me. Hey, it's a European thing," he explained all too confidently.

I gave a deep sigh. "I'm not going to answer that." I swatted at his legs. I did my duties, even giving his beard a light trim much to his displeasure. "Eight," I offhandedly offered.

"Out of?"

"Eleven, yes my standards are quite high."

"Ooh, she has my heart. I do clean up real good, you'll see."

"Okay, Ritchie. You be good and I'll see you, 'kay." It took me a while to escape his blatant entrapments to keep me lingering in his room.

Lily's mother was with her when I got there. They were both enshrouded in a mother daughterly bond, which managed to stir the kind of emptiness that seemed to stay with me these days. Kathryn was the first to see me. "Oh hello. Uhmm I'll be taking care of Lily today."

"That's fine, ma'am." Instantly my heart sunk, Lily was an immediate favorite of mine and it kind of rocked me substantially not to see her so abruptly.

She knitted her fingertips together timidly. "But, you could stay… and talk with her a while. The baby's been protesting quite a bit so I'll just stretch my legs for a minute," she stated rubbing her belly.

I was still recovering from shock when she exited the room. "Hey, Veta." Lily was up on her feet and dancing about on her bed. She leapt into my arms and I held her tightly. Apparently they had taken her off the IVs.

"Hey to you too Lily Ann. It's good to see you." I kissed the top of her head loudly.

"My mommy got me a new book!" She bobbed up and down in my arms excitedly.

"Really? Let me see!"

"I can only look at the pictures, so you're gonna 've to read."

Kathryn was conveniently gone for almost ten minutes but when she returned a big smile was plastered on her face.

"Sorry to cut us short, but I'm going to need to move on Miss Lily Ann." She pouted a bit. "Look your mom's going to be here and I promise I'll see you next week. Promise?"

She shook her head and scrambled from my lap. On my way out I looked quietly spoke to her mother. "Thank you for that. You didn't have to… but I really appreciated it."

Kathryn simply raised a hand, "That's not necessary. She really likes you and I can see that you clearly care for her as well. So it's more for her and she needs people around her that make her happy. So I'm the one who should be thanking you, especially for being there when I couldn't have been."

There wasn't anything I could say to that for it moved me so deeply I couldn't find any words to possibly say to her. We shook hands and I moved on.

*

I made it to the third floor and thankfully was going to look in on the last bed. It wasn't on my rounds this particular late afternoon but I felt obligated to at least go in and check on him, to at least see if there weren't any scalpels shoved up his arms. The guard usually posted at the door was increasingly becoming more and more nonexistent. They really thought he wasn't going to wake up. Primarily, in the throes of the Nomad Casino massacre the hospital was turned on its head. They had moved the patient, under the current alias of John Doe, from across town to here, Mount Vine Hospital after receiving multiple threats at the chief hospital. The atmosphere had been so immensely tense, rippling throughout the city. So hopefully at present, his current whereabouts remained undisclosed. At first there were plenty enough guards on duty but I'd be lucky to spot at least two on the same floor. That number dwindled with the growing weeks to a solitary figure who most likely was at the moment chasing tail or feeding his belly.

A wave of unease passed over me but I collected myself knowing that the work day would soon be over. I stopped in front of the door and gently turned the knob and opened it. My eyes gravitated to the farther right side of the room where a man stood in the manner of dressing. "I'm sorry but visiting hours are…" It dawned on me after looking out of my peripheral that there was an_ empty_ bed. _Fuck_. Shock, then recognition took a hold of me. It was a miracle that he was even awake, let alone standing (more like a haunch) clad in a black dress jacket, skinny jeans, and boots. It surprised me at how quickly he moved and in an instant he was clutching me from behind, his body tightly pressed into mine.

"Sssh, naw you don't say a word. Don't you even move that pretty little face a yers." His hot breath raced across the back and side of my neck. The hairs on his face tickled my skin.

He latched unto me quite firmly and fear left me breathless. My chest heaved in a constricted fashion as air burned its way through the building nausea, "Please… don't." I was terrified.

"You hush up." He sounded just as fragile as I imagined he would be. I would've fought my way out of his grasp save for the syringe that was against my neck. "Now you be a good girl 'n you won't need to worry 'bout all that." I felt his dry lips press against the back of my neck. A whimper escaped from me. "Sssh."

"Look, I- I'll do anything you ask… just don't hurt me."

"Now, that's what I want to hear," he drawled as his body was wracked with a fit of coughing. He wiped the spittle away with the back of his hand. Slowly he backed me towards the hospital bed. My mind raced madly out of desperation. I promised myself that I wouldn't lose it. Suddenly it had become all too surreal and it seemed as though wherever I ended up ill fortune would be right behind me waiting.

"'K you just sit tight an' let me figure this one out." He began pacing the floor, hobbling at an uncomfortable tempo. "Alright, now you – what we're gonna is we're gonna just dosy on and just walk on out of here.

He was quite insane. "There's no way-." I shut my mouth at the look he sent in my direction. I idly looked down at my hand contemplated what to do next. He was clearly weak but I made a mental note that I wanted to make it out of this in one piece. A little piece of me felt wronged at worst. Afterall, I had taken care of him for the couple of months that he had been here. Ensured him his nourishment, bathed him, offered what a heavy heart would never had done but I couldn't say this to him.

"Get up." I must've hesitated a little too long because he was clambering over to me in seconds. His fist brutally encircled my arm and shakily pulled me up. He threw the syringe across the room and eyed me suspiciously. "Now don't you try anything," he fumbled through his pocket to retrieve a scalpel (I had no idea where he could've gotten that). A bit roughly he shoved me towards the door and began pulling at the hem of my shirt. "Calm down, I ain't gonna hurt you. Unless I 've to," he added for some authority. He extended his hand around my waist and rested the blade against my hip.

*

I'd never been so afraid in my life. There might've been past experiences but this took the cake at the moment. "Slow down 'kay. If you're gonna do _this_ at least be smart about it. I'll get you as far as the parking lot," I stared directly into his eyes. "I can almost guarantee you that. I don't want anyone getting hurt on my account. If you're going to blindly go into this, it's good as done as me screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs. I don't know about you but today sure doesn't feel like a good day to die."

He thought about this for a second, breathing heavily and brushing his matted hair out of his face. "'Kay, sounds like a plan to me lady."

"Good. Now we would have a good chance of taking the stairs, the least traffic and less of a chance of us being seen." I wanted so badly to fuck him over but I chickened out, I was too terrified of what might happen if I didn't succeed. We both walked the remainder of the slender hallway, all the while me futilely making an attempt to have as little contact with his body. I was practically keeping his exhausted body afloat. And so I bided my time.

I swiped my badge across the red dot of the security lock. I pushed against the heavy door and we entered the stairwell. Now was my time. The scalpel only nipped me a bit as I slammed backwards into his slim frame. He let out a grunt and I ran, I didn't care how careless I was all that mattered was the distance that I was putting between us.

Never did I believe in Karma until this day. It turned out that in the space of such an insignificant period I would suffer what I carried from the previous life into this one. It was as simple as watching a computer crash or just seeing something as well simply cease to exist. The power flitted and its life ended. Red light illuminated everything and my blood ran thick liquid metal within my veins. Shit. The doors were shut. _Come on, come on_ the generator should kick in any minute now.

A thick gust of wind broke from my mouth as his thin fingers fixed into my hair and slammed me into the door. My body sagged sickeningly, my mind rushed, and saliva collected in my mouth. "Uggh, please!"

"I thought we had a deal," his body slumped over unto mine. This time the blade returned beneath my collarbone.

"S-sorry, it won't happen again."

He gave me another meaningful shove. "What now?"

Before I could begin to analyze our immediate predicament the lights dimmed then booted up. I could hear the locks reset. I licked at my now dry lips. "Okay, I think we have to make it quick. We might have to our advantage that it most likely will be chaos in the corridors. Just please," my hands flew up, "don't do anything stupid. I'll get us out here in one piece, I promise." I said that last bit more for myself. I wanted very badly to convince myself that we could pull this off. We stepped out into the hallway and as suspected nurses, doctors, staff and even a few patients were dipping in and out of rooms and stragglers were wandering the corridors. I didn't pay attention to any of it. My Captor, he had his own head dipped so that his chin was almost nestled against his chest.

"Be calm, 'kay. Don't be so tense. Now we can make it out cleanly here from the second floor," I lowered my voice to a whisper "in the south wing the stairs lead directly out into the parking lot from the Smithson Lobby." He looked about nervously, "If you're worried about the cameras probably they went out with the power outage. Of course I mean what I say that I'll help you, there's a blind spot in the south wing. Just pray shit doesn't hit the fan because I have just as much to lose as you do."

We blended right on in with the chaos. I don't think I should've been so pleased that we were getting away this Scott free. The descent down the second flight of stairs went well, I didn't try anything. The lobby, much to my discontent, was deserted. The raw scent of rain filled the small space, the sound of the pellets resonated and ate up the silence.

"Gimme your keys," he demanded. I didn't hesitate at his request. "Come on."

"No, I told you as far as the parking lot!"

"I'm not gonna repeat myself y' hear. Just shut it and come the fuck on." He gritted his teeth through the pain. His fingertips bit into my arm.

Outside looked grey and foreboding. "Okay," I nodded. The heavy showers slapped against our bodies brutally, nearly dragging both of us to the ground. He placed most of his unto my smaller frame. "It's the Chevy Avalanche. The slate one." We made our way to the parked vehicle in due time, most of our worries forgotten for the moment. Water and wind had assaulted us brutally so that I could hardly feel my face. My clothes were so heavy and my limbs were solely kept up on fear and perseverance.

I pulled open the passenger side and tucked him in. Quickly, I sprinted around and sat in the driver's seat. "Okay," I calmly let out peeling away the hair that was plastered to my face. I was practically soaked to the bone. He audibly shivered next to me. "Here are the keys. I'm out from here on. Take my car and you get your head start, that's all I can that I can do for you."

"Drive," he writhed in agony and I looked into his weary face and at his silver capped teeth. "Just go!"

"That wasn't the fucking plan! I'm not getting in your shit." The acidity seethed through my pores.

"Well girly –ugh- I guess I'm here to fuck shit up. Now get the fuck on with it."

I challengingly peered into his face. "Okay, genius. Where the hell are we supposedly headed. Oh, and just for future reference I'm not much of a bargaining hostage chip."

"Take me to your place, then." His expression was torn between pure distress and mischief.

"You are unbelievable."

*

Carefully, we entered into my apartment. The ride over was as awkward as it could be. I was so terribly tempted into slamming into a mailbox or whichever object that was amusing at the time. The windshield wipers droned on deafeningly. His body had gone immobile and I prayed that it was something close to death.

My fingers bit into the steering wheel, desperately not knowing what else to do. I bit on my bottom lip and decided to pay better attention to the slick road. Right now this definitely fell under the category of aiding and abetting, yeah at least I thought so. The worst was I actually didn't feel in the wrong for trying (more so that I _was_) to help this man. He was despicable, morbid, and in the sub human class but yet I couldn't find myself associating with the emotions that usually accompanied those presumptions. The simple fact was whichever way I wanted to put it, I was fucked.

"Lay down," I helped him rest his body on the couch then busied myself with gathering blankets. The rain had eased up on our way here but now it had released the crest of its fury. We were both soaked and the weaker of the two of us might just as well face the risk of pneumonia or hypothermia at best. "I need to get you out of these wet clothes." I didn't wait for any kind of consent I just dove right into it. I placed a blanket over the couch then eased him up a bit to unpeel the clothing that took to him like a vise. The jacket went first then the t-shirt he wore beneath. They were incredibly soiled and heavy from the rain and prior activity; they fell to the ground with a wet, sickly thud. I dragged the jeans from his lean legs. He remained frighteningly silent, his eyes sagging. "Almost done, okay?" I tucked away stray locks of my hair, promising my worn body that I would get to it eventually. I gently wrapped his shaking body with two blankets.

My limbs couldn't take me much further but I made it to my bedroom, gratefully. Someone up there was on my side. I smelled faintly of dew, mingled sweat, and the day's toll. I shed my own soaked clothing, then curled up naked underneath the comforters and blankets on my bed. Sleep desperately wanted me.

I didn't sleep well, I usually never did. The rain still continued to pound restlessly unto everything outside. I got up, dragging a blanket about me and peered outside. Everything was coated in the downfall. A fulfilling yawn escaped me and had me stretched out to the tips of my toes. It was good. Gladly, I looked at the clock to see that I hadn't been out for that long.

I took the hot shower that my body was begging for. I got the grime out my hair and stress off my body. I got some ground Starbucks coffee beans to percolate. My home was eerily silent; although there was always a silent existence to it but it was different, more like a silent anticipation. I almost had forgotten my charge.

It was apparent that his sleep was as fitful as mine, if not more. Small spasms rocked his sleeping body. I turned the television on, putting it on mute. He snored lightly.

A few minutes later he began to stir a bit. I rushed over to his side and looked down at him worriedly. His features had been pacified to what I was used to, I brushed back his brown hair. "You're not the monster you claim to be, are you Darwin?" I tested the statement over and over in my mind, I was grasping at straws attempting to get myself out of where I had settled. I traced the lines that stressed his face lightly. His full lips gathered then his eyes fluttered groggily. And I stared into those crystal depths. Such an intense blue when the light hit it, emitting an expansive spectrum of blue to a greenish blue. They were the most pleasant feature to him and they held me in place. For so long I had imagined what they would look like peering up back at me. What I felt when I looked at him was sympathy and maybe_ I_ was the monster for condoning what he was.

He retched terribly and all I could do was hold him place. I was so frightened I was at a loss of what to do.

"Why you being so good to me?" He simply inquired. Within him I could see his mind conspiring and his walls already setting up. His body began shaking and a light film of sweat coated his upper body.

I looked at him for a long, silent moment, "The truth? I don't know." What I wanted to know was what was wrong with me.

I ran my hands over his heated skin, slightly furrowing my brows in response. With some haste I sprang to my feet and went in search of a thermometer. "Open," I slipped it beneath his tongue.

"People don't do shit for just no reason." He fought past the pain and the murkiness that threatened to envelop him again.

"Then what am I asking of you then? You walk out of here and you're all but dead you hear me. And maybe you'd deserve that."

His hands flew up defeated, "Okay, I might've deservingly walked into that one."

I withdrew the stick, quite roughly so. Tsking, I looked back at him. "I don't like this. You're temp has spiked severely." I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. "I don't know what to do –I- I don't know… Your fever - It must be some kind of reaction to the antibiotics to fight off your infection. Shit." I looked about me overcome half by circumstance half defeat. "We need to get you cooled off, come on."

I helped him to shaky feet. "Aw, shit."

"Oh gosh, what am I going to do with you?"

We made it to the bathroom and I slid back the shower door. Thank God it was a walk in. I turned the water on and set it to a comfortable and cool temperature. He slumped over on me and I hoisted him in, with me partially in as well.

"Shit. Fuck me!" He continued on to ramble and grope at me in his brief state of delirium.

"Okay, take it easy." The shower pelted us sweetly and we stayed that way for some time, wrapped together tightly. I smoothed back his hair and ran my hands over his skin to see if his temp had regulated some.

Afterwards I got both of us out and had him perching on the toilet seat. I got out towels. "How are you holding up over there," I called out over my shoulder.

"I'll still kicking. I feel like shit on a hot day though."

_Yeah you look it too_, I smiled on the inside.

His eyelids lowered and his head leaned back and a dispassionate look washed his face. He sat there completely naked and oblivious to the world. "It's rainin' cats, dogs, and democrats out there ain't it. The rain… I can just hear it, tellin' me it's coming through the walls just breathin' and listening. Waiting to take it all in, all a us."

I stood in front of him soaking up most of the moisture from my hair. I stood there, listening to our breathing. His eyes danced beneath the lids and all I could wonder was what it felt like in his head. I wanted to be disgusted by the tattoos that marked his body, the creed and oath he stood for, but I just didn't. To my dissatisfaction I was all used up when it came to hating. There was too much of it gone and diluted into other disciplines that it was all but gone. In the end there was little that I could feel for anyone and I guarded so forcefully what I could afford myself.

Every muscle in his body went still and his body fell into the slumber it was craving. I took in every sinew and curve shamelessly, I could tell the multiple shades to his hair, mark the scars that embellished him. There was so much that his flesh could tell and I wanted that story. He was shrewd and ruthless and he didn't hide it. That I envied of him, he could show the world what he was undauntedly. Some were unlucky in this life and had to screen whatever it was within them; those were the ones that nurtured the bitter sweet rewards of life.

His eyes opened and held me fast in place. Lithely he molded himself to me, resting his head against my abdomen and breasts. I offered him the only comfort I could by sliding my fingertips into his hair, gently kneading the tender skin. He might've been subdued but cunningly a hand cupped my breast. I pushed his hand away. "Seriously? I might be accommodating you but don't get fresh."

Nonchalantly he withdrew his hands as his eyes raked in the damp fabric covering my body. "Couldn't hurt none by trying," he shrugged.

"Next time I'll slap you then." I was furious.

"So there's a invitin' for a next time then?"

**


	3. No No No, I'll Hurry When I'm Home

A/N: This is sort of a filler, kinda yup. So I've had this sitting on my comp for far too long the chap was intended to be way longer but I had to break it up (so no I have not given up on this one). Hopefully the next update will be much sooner. Between getting ready to move and procrastinating I had left this one alone for a while. So to all that have read, reviewed (much love), put this betch on alerts and favs my heart goes out to you and hope that you stay on. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**"No No No, I'll Hurry When I'm Home"**

If I hadn't worried prior to the evening's events then I was surely worrying right about now. The weight of my decisions had finally hit me and there was nothing that I could possibly do to recant past deeds. I was scared shitless and I wrung my hands and bit into my fingernails, a habit that of recent I picked up. Today was Saturday by looking at the clock, it was a quarter after two in the morning, and I a good six to eight hours ago was contemplating getting drunk good and dandy into the wee hours of the morn. Well, so much for displaced optimism. The sanguinity that had brimmed upon the horizon now receded into the valleys and I was left with indefinitely bleak weeks.

Sometimes, if I tried hard enough, I could almost forget about the evidence that was sprawled upon my new seats underneath my blankets. But that would all be too good to be true. This was a heavy stain that didn't have that kind of decency to simply let itself be washed out. I felt useless in times of immense distress and I let myself tidy whatever I could get a hold on. Nonetheless, I could run on quite few hours of sleep. My body no longer hungered for what it had grown unaccustomed to, since my calculative skills became more efficient under anxiety. I shrugged into some sweats.

He slept well, I begrudgingly noted to myself. I could quietly go in and help him wonder off with his ill gotten dreams and that would be all of it, I thought cruelly. I would be done with it all, my hands wiped clean and no one would be the wiser of it. Heavily those thoughts brushed themselves aside. So with nothing left to do I sat close by him and divided my attention between flipping through the television channels on mute and looking at his still body. My mind contemplated certain actions and as always I came up short handed and battling with my sense of morality.

I pondered at his colorful past. I wondered at how many lives he had taken, how many children he had deprived of their sanctity in a stable home. That much had left me feeling hypocritical. I wondered at what he thought as he took in my skin and appraised my worth. Where was his creed and substance now? And most of all, where would that get him? Of course nowhere, that had forsaken him the moment he faced his judgment atop the hotel. When he looked at me he would see the momentary escape to get him closer to his liberation.

And when I really thought about it, I didn't know if I wanted to let him attain it. Was I prepared to kill him? Yes, I was. If need be at least. Looking at him I knew there was more fight left when he chose this path, or more so now that I had chosen to assist him.

Again the question arose that I couldn't answer. _Why am I doing this? _Out of sympathy; certainly not in any form. At times I felt nothing short of disgust when I looked at him. I felt myself drift off and I succumbed to the lethargy that soothed my body. I would dream as well, inwardly as well outwardly I smiled. Perhaps they would be peaceful.

*

I didn't know what the hell I was doing, I was desperate and that would only lead to carelessness. And why the fuck was it so damn hot? My skin was slick, beads slowly forming on my forehead and nose as I thought of the task at hand. My breaths were now even shallower. I ran my tongue over my lips, tasting the salt and scented lotion on my skin.

He was so still. Out cold. I felt like a lecherous crook in the night hounding at an oblivious prey.

Quite cautiously I tip-toed closer across the cold floor tugging up the pant legs even more gingerly to half straddle his hips. _Shit_, the air escaped from the entire room when he stirred a bit. I settled more comfortably before extracting the pair of handcuffs tucked away in my waistband (don't ask). Lower lip caught between my teeth and cold sweats completely washing over me I eased his furthest arm to a more accessible reach. His skin was roasting and I fought the strong urge to release my hold.

The longest two minutes in my whole damn life.

I wiped away the light film from my face. I prayed to myself as the cool metal clicked in place, _great_ halfway through. There were so many things racing in my mind.

We locked gazes for second or two before his free hand went tearing at my upper body. Desperately I struggled to trap his shackled arm and wrangle the other. He might've been inebriated and drunk with fever but his thin body in its desperation was brutal for a means of escape. We went all wild and groovy in that little chair.

My own body became feral and reverted to old habits. But before I could make a lick of anything my legs were up in the air and I was crashing into the floor solidly, the wind rushing out of me. There were a few oh shits in between what the fucks but I regained my mind as soon as the sharp pain made its peak then flowed into its dwindling subtle ebb. I couldn't even recover quite fully when he was set on me, crushing my diaphragm. Again I slapped wildly at where ever I could get to.

"Get the fuck off me!" I screeched when I could afford little air. He perched on my chest a little more comfortably.

"Calm down girl," he said it a bit nonchalantly as though by each moment he grew increasingly disinterested with the whole ordeal. Darwin had a hand pinning both mine across my chest. He fixed to become more at ease and pinned one of my arms beneath his shins. He quite relished the struggle of strength and was far more excited as I finally settled into resignation. "Now if you don' stop all the bitching I'm- Fuck!" He spat the blood from his mouth then went on to cuff his wrist to mine. I smiled to myself at the small victory which was only short lived. "I ain't gonna hit no woman." He chuckled a bit at my audacity, "No matter how much you asking for it." He held up his arm and in a terribly synchronized jerk mine followed his. "Now what kind a freaky shit you coming up with? Sure nuff I would be laughing my head off lack I knew what that was all about." He smiled down into my face and I could only be forced to look up.

I didn't like that I was on the receiving end of the amusement of this… this backwater, probably inbred, felon. "It's not funny just get the fuck up off me!"

He clucked his tongue, "Now if you wanna get all mean like that." He leaned in and I could feel his hot, heavy breath rolling unto me. I turned my face away in disgust. "I'm going to have to stop being nice with you." He nuzzled a bit at my neck, pawing at my skin teasingly. His skin was moist and heat enveloped him.

"Darwin I mean it! Get off! You're gonna have paste for fucking balls-" He stilled my lips by coolly pinching them between a thumb and forefinger. This managed to still my fighting nerves into a kind of submission, but only for the moment.

He cocked his head to the side. "Sssh, I was trying to be pleasant and sleeping like a fucking babe on a tit but you just want to get all foul and shit so I'm going to have to lay down the law." His eyes held its familiar glaze over the icy orbs; he clearly fought very hard to hold himself together. I struggled beneath him as best as I could. It was futile and even more humiliating to have him have the upper hand and be all saccharine about it. "I'm gonna kick you in the vagina if you don't keep still," he stated almost congenially.

My eyes peeled open painfully in disbelief. "You wouldn't dare," I breathed uneasily.

"I wouldn't now?" He challenged calmly. In exasperation I pulled at our fastened limbs and in utter defeat I rested my fingertips on the nearby couch. Seeing that I had come to some kind of sense he settled a bit, "Now what the fuck was that all for? You're lucky I didn't feel like slapping your ass around."

A low hiss escaped through my teeth. "I didn't trust you. I still don't. Just- please get off, I think you might've given me a fucking concussion." I rolled my eyes and looked back at his gaze which was laced with expectancy.

His face warped with contempt. He assumed a more rich persona, his body language and twang far more exaggerated, "There I was feeling all like a big man, proud that they was a woman like you jus a' hoping for sex with me." He made a slight movement, gyrated his crotch against my abdomen. His lips twitched and a big rich, throaty laugh came from him. Something I wasn't expecting. It exposed something in him a minute, a kind of memoir to the man that at one time could've been feasible. I was only half disgusted.

"Truce," I chose to go against my better judgment. This conclusion had raced to me abruptly and mind you I was most likely at the moment could plead insanity. "Just get me up okay."

"All right now." The blues of his eyes tightened, his pupils dilated and a heat leaked from his body. He struggled to come out of his perch. "Didn't hurt you too much did I?"

I was at the moment busied giving myself the once over, checking the back of my head for blood. "No I'm good." I lingered on the civility. "Thank you for asking though… it's very human of you."

"For real? There I was thinking I was a jag-uhar or some shit."

I laughed at that. Instantly I sobered as I assessed him. He really didn't look well and against better judgment I was very fast starting to become concerned.

My hands brushed against his searing skin once again. He made a pathetic attempt to brush away my attempts. "Hold up Darwin." My palms flitted against his forehead, "You're burning up."

Darwin brushed away my hand weakly and turned his face away; he was already succumbing to the fervor rushing through his blood. "Ain't nothing whiskey can't fix."

"If you wanted to fry you should've had me leave you where you were at." Instantly I bit down on my lip and looked away. "Sorry. I'm worried, is that fine by you? Can't I genuinely be concerned for your wellbeing? Wait just- don't answer that. Look it's nothing if I just run out real quick."

"What for?" He was already up on his feet and walking into me. He dug his fingers deeply into the flesh of my arm.

"Look," I held my hands up to his faltering frame. "It's only around the corner, five minutes tops. I need some ice for your bath. The longer you stay like this the less use either of us is gonna have. Please… just this once okay?"

*

It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be. Of course there was the constant troublesome prickling at the back of my head telling me I was doing something wrong. My head felt constantly bloated as though there was a little person sitting atop my shoulders keeping my head afloat. I smiled at the Smithy's cashier behind the counter to the convenience store; we were now on a first name basis seeing that my visits were pretty much of a frequent thing. He inclined his head coolly and a smile stretched his easy features. He was simple and nice at that. About a week ago he had asked me on a date to which I mercilessly shot him down. He then offered me a lap dance as a kind of persuasion. I was quickly starting to prove to myself how much of an asexual being I was becoming, if that makes any kind of sense. It was that I was simply so familiar and accustomed to being alone there was no other way to quite function.

I moved along the aisles as though I were indecisive. The ice box was in the far opposite corner and I went towards it with strong strides to grab as many bags of ice as I could possibly carry. Akeem raised an inquisitive eyebrow when he caught sight of my selection. "Long night, crazy morning," I breathed normally. It was a tad bit early, almost 4:30 to be more precise.

Akeem chuckled under his breath and swiftly rang me up. "So what about an even crazier one later on?"

"Aw, someone got there before you could. Sorry, but maybe some other time." I simply stated.

He titled over the counter a bit to stare after me, "I'm gonna get you girl!"

"See you around Akeem. Stay off that stuff," I called over my shoulder.

_That went smoothly_. I didn't waste any time getting home. I walked out into the soft rain and I drove exceptionally cautious, at the same time curbing the urge to get back too quickly.

**


End file.
